back in the saddle

   In the weeks following Europa, i have taken major advantage of the fact that i didn't have a date with a sparkly blue bikini looming over my head anymore. I don't feel as though i have chains attaching me to the elliptical anymore, i don't really look twice at the stepmill, and when even the mere thought of tilapia and green beans crosses my mind, i get hit with an instant wave of nausea. To say i have been pretty relaxed with my diet and exercise is the understatement of the year. I had considered doing another contest immediately following Europa until me and the love of my life rekindled our romance... and my whole world has been turned upside down. Instead of reaching for a fat burner and protein shake the moment i wake up, i reach for my phone and lay in bed an extra half an hour just to hear his voice ( long distance relationships baaloooowww). I would trade my PM cardio sessions for marathon phone calls with Sam any day of the week. My priorities had completely shifted from busting my ass to sitting on my ass and doodling 'Sam' and big puffy hearts all over my notebooks (sooo kidding) and the only contracting my abs have been doing is coming from laughing hysterically at all of his nonsense (true story). After the week long visit with him that we had planned on hitting the gym daily and grilling dinner nightly turned into lazy mornings lounging around together and long dinners with friends and family, lingering over drinks and alllllll the desserts. Not exactly conducive for a six pack.

pre-epic dinner. Hate those jeans...Love that
man.

   Pre-Europa i had bought a pair of jeans 3 sizes too small for me at that time. They were adorable black denim skinny (more like skin tight) jeans that I had envisioned these to be my 'goal' jeans that i could wear with sky high heels and a tank top- not a muffin top. All through out the training process i never thought twice about these, thanks to the 70+ straight days of over 100 degree temps. Right before i left for my trip home, i threw them on for kicks and lo and behold-- they fit! I was sooo excited, i immediately threw them in my suitcase. When it came time to wear them out; 4 days, 4 decadent dinners, 2 different cheesecakes and banana ice cream later...they fit. Kinda. As in- they fit if i stood up perfectly straight and didn't bend at the knees or the waist. So after a dinner of fried artichokes, fried mushrooms, deep dish pizza, wine and a pizookie, i was sure that the jeans were so tight, they were on the verge of cutting me in half in the style of a wire cheese cutter. After dinner, we hung around reminiscing and joking over drinks and music. And by we, i mean Sam & his brother Elliott happily joked and sang songs while i stretched out almost perfectly horizontal in a recliner, complaining incessantly about how the devil clearly designed my jeans.Generally speaking, hanging around with Sam and his brother both belting out my favorite songs would usually be considered my idea of heaven.Unfortunately, all i could think of was that i was pretty sure i was about to lose my legs due to lack of circulation and then lose my boyfriend due to excess levels of whining.

   I think that's what they call rock bottom? HA! I was way too happy for that to be rock bottom, but it was definitely a turning point. I felt soooooo uncomfortable in my own skin at the moment and i actually missed my workouts. I had gone from being in the best shape of my life to just being shapes in a matter of a month. That was such an eye-opening night, all along i thought i was rewarding myself for my months of hard work and dedication when in actuality, i was basically waving the middle finger at myself for all the times i passed on simple carbs and my time spent on the treadmill. I earned my Europa body the hard way and after i got what i had wanted for all these years, i  traded it in for the things that don't matter to me even the slightest bit ( ie; pizza and cookies). Im over that! So- after a nice, long break I'm beyond  ready to jump back in the game.... before this damage is irreversible.

he's the only one that can bring that smile out of me.